its decided: i'm not going anywhere for christmas

you might think tht i'm kiddy in doing this but i dont really see the point in joining my parents to sydney when things arent plan!! rooms havent been book, there are no plannings as to where we will be going in sydney...besides them all, my sister had a whole lot of free time to do all her rubbish online shopping. and guess wht?!! my dad wouldnt even ask her to do things!!!!! =( i'm feeeling seriously angry right now. i mean i have been working almost every day.well, even i've got the chance to go online, it wouldnt be as long as my sister did. she spent almost a day on the computer. so why ask me to ind out the details when she could' ve done the same?this is just so unfair!!! here i am, feeling all sick and still browsing for a hotel room to stay in. and wht she's been doing? effing playing her bloody psp!! NOT FAIR! nope! i'm so not going anywhere..not going anywhere far with them ppl..i mean, y must i?
i know i sounded childish here..even you might say tht i'm whinging too much but hey, i need a break and a life! why ppl found it hard to understand tht we're only humans?

SCHOOL'S OUT FOREVER!!! ..:)

LOVE THAT SONG BY ALICE COOPER!! It truly reflects on how school finally ended and the fact that exams are OVER!!!!! hehehe...
i've got another 3 more months to kill before entering uni..but then, not looking forward to getting the results in December..:( that's cuz....that's cz...i dunno!!! hehe
dont really want to get a bad result and ended up in a uni that i dont really like
but still, that's how life is : u never know if u dont go!
alright enough of the babbling!!!
i'm hoping to come home soon for cny!!! :)

cheers!!

2 more months!!

that's right.Two more months and school's over!! well, not seriously meaning tht studying is over for me. but, finally graduating form high school!! haha..cant wait for that to happen!..
nothing much have happened today other than the usual work, school and home.lol....but yes, i seriously dont know but i felt berat hati to leave the peep from my school.its like the thought scares me..well, probably its cz i'm used to have them around. not only tht. i found several nice ppl around here. no one is perfect in this world as now tht i've realised. just the change in the way i see things, changed my perspective over things. no matter how much i hate them or how much i dislike them or even of how much dissaprove of their actions, they were there to accompany me..keeping me occupied even though i dont feel some sense of belonging here.. THANKS GUYS!!for making me looking at things into deeper levels.. not long now though b4 school ends..................

My place!!

hey ppl, sorry for the long wait!! hehee..
i just didnt have the time to blog nowadays...
but here i am..
updating about the place i lived in...
lols...
here are for you, kero!=)
















this is the locker bay..















this is the year 12 study area..













this is my specialist maths class.. only 5 ppl in my class(including me!!!)















this is the walk way to senior school centre..doesnt it looked like a 'prison' to you?















this is my school, pakenham secondary college..




















this is the street i took to walk to school




















main st....















my piano!! =)















this is where i lived..















this is rogers st..the street where my house is














its elly and rach!
my friends...















close- up look of cherry blossom trees from my st



kk..
that's all for now...
lols...
gonna update soon..
but cant promise when...
hehe
later guys...=)

Random moments...but seriously I hate having depression!

I wonder...
I wonder of how does it feels like to have someone who's crippled in my life..
crippled in the sense where she could not even speak, hear or even be in the right state of mind.
Sometimes, I wondered of what's really going on in my sis's mind. Is she thinking at the same wavelength as what me, my dad and other 'normal' ppl? Or is she immersing herself into a reality where it could only be controlled by only she, herself? Sometimes, I found her seriously delusive. Having delusive thoughts, having delusive mind, and delusive perception. well, just to name a few. I could be wrong for various reasons as I do not have the authority to decide where a person stands in the face of 'perceptions'...well, i dont think i'm making much sense here cz i'm pretty much rambling and gibbering about thought that'z cluttering in my mind. Blogging seemed like a place to vent out my thoughts and frustrations about ppl in general . Well, not just ppl in general. But also things which got me annoyed most of the time.
But when people mentioned the word 'love'. Love as in liking someone, as in giving your whole life to the one you entrusted to. What does it really mean? as in like; Do you really liked the person just because of who he/she is inside and not what's in the appearance?Or do you liked him/her just for your own benefit?Either way, the matter of love is really complicated and its best to not to meddle with it. Or even put a foot into it and be stucked and lost!
I've got an english exam on monday and i'm not prepared.=(..well, its hard to blame me cz I've been given 2 days to complete the essay. 2 days!!! in Malaysia, we only got like an hour to complete it. But here, 2 effing days to complete one essay. And it wasnt like a real lengthy essay where we have to ramble on for about twenty pages. The first day will be spent on planning. PLANNING!!!planning an essay for the whole period(it goes for an hour and 15mins). And the next day would be writing it out. I mean, what's the point in spending like 30 mins to plan?
shouldnt they just instead pressure us into doing a 5min plan rather than 30mins? It sent a totally wrong message or signal to the brain as one would get use to doing the 30 mins planning tht until the time when the real exam's here, they would be struggling as 5mins would not be enough for them to plan! and another thing to note here is that I'm getting lazier day by day. I think its because of the style or of the way my school got us into the stuyd mood that has made the difference. To begin with, the students werent in the study mood. Next, is that the teachers here are not as strict as the teachers frm mas. Then , the way or the method of teaching by the teachers here are flexible;they lacked the experience in exposing to students the real way of how the exams are being graded and they too lacked the power in controlling the student's mind to study. These made me longed for the life back in rps. I truly missed it and truly wished that I didnt chose to come here. But on the other hand, if i didnt left mas, i would not have known of how much I appreciate my old school and the presence of all my superb friends in rps! Thanks guys for supporting me all this while. I guess you would never find out of how much a person/a thing means to you until you truly left him/it. I seriously do not want to be dragged down but at the same time, I dont want to end up being lonely in my new school. But to blend in, I must conform with the trend that they were carrying;by being carefree. When I stressed out too much, they thought that i'm weird. And when I'm studying, they started to exclude themselves away from me. I felt like I'm bein ditched in a corner; far apart from the world. Disconnecting myself and losing touch with the world out there. I wished that I could just reach out and grab hold the string of a flying kite . And just ...flyaway.Fly away from all the miseries, troubles and sorrows. It sounded depressing and that's for sure. But I ran out of idea too easily when I'm writing an essay and i'm slowly evolving into a pessimist. Taking gloomy view of things is not a good thing. But this is how i was nowadays, being self-centred;thinking that nothing else matters apart from myself. I should have correct my wrongful ways but i just couldnt when i was striked by another wave of devastating news. I got Bs in my mid-year exam!!! i just couldnt bring myself to face my dad anymore as getting Bs to me, is something that I tried avoid doing. But....
aihz....life's unfair. When i 'm at my peak in getting everything good in my life, I'm succumbed by all the bad things in life. Why does everytime when I'm happy with the way my life is, something or someone is going to take that away from me? Why must they do this to me? Why is it my life's full of misery? Why cant I just have my life laid out just exactly like how I wanted it to be?
I dont really want to burden you guys any further with my never-ending depression. But some questions just couldnt be answered!! aihz...
guess life's like this...

I'm so PISSED!

Well, mainly it is due to my sis tht i'm pissed. For one, she's acting like a kid nowadays. Maybe its cz my dad's been pampering her and maybe there's something wrong with her brain. Well, I know that i shouldnt say all these things about my sis because it just plainly showed of how immature and of how much I'm jealous of her. But... seriously... I CANT STAND HER FOR WHATEVER REASONS!!!! ok. like just then. My dad's trying to keep in contact with his friend. well, to be exact, his brother-in-law. and so he's using my msn account as he doesnt have one and couldnt be bothered to open one.(well, he actually had one but is just that he's using mine). Anyways, we tried to make a video call to his friend and it failed for several attempts. We can see him but we can't hear him at all. And likewise, they(his family) cant hear us as well. So, we started to suspect that there's something wrong with th connection. so, in the end, i suggested them to use yahoo instead . And it worked!=)
lols...
We can see and hear them and they can see and hear us as well!! yay..
now come to the part where i wanted to talk about....
In my excitement in knowing that's working, I said that msn's crap cz the connection's poor. And so I started to chat with my cousin and thn my aunt joined in with a raised voice. So, tell me.
How can you concentrate when there are two parties talking? Surely, it is either him or her who had to stop talking so as to allow the other to speak. And guess what?!! my sis said something really loud through my ears and my aunt is trying to talk to me online. How am i going to respond to both people when they are both talking at the same thing about different things?
To make things worse, I had an ear infection and so my hearing was not that good. So, it is either me listening to my aunt or my sis. And since all that she's taking about are all in a blur. And i cant really hear her as my aunt's voice is really penetrating, so.. I asked my sis to be quiet cz my aunt's trying to say something and i CANT REALLY HEAR of what she's trying to say. What happened next was the thing which drove me really REALLY MAD!!! MY deary sister go and use the flies bat(is it what its called, you know, the thing used to hit the flies? ) to hit my head.
I WAS SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!and i just walked off from helping my dad . its pretty idiotic really and the irony of that was that she's my elder sister. I mean how can someone who's supposed to be elder than you acted that way?!! and she didnt even apologise. well, she did. but its only cuz my dad asked her to. I was deeply annoyed. Right now at this moment, I just wished that the disease she had (its called hidradenitis suppurativa) could not be cured here in aussie. and by that, she'll left with the option to fly home to malaysia as she needs to undergo an operation which would completely eradicate that disease of hers. The option's malaysia as it is cheaper to do it there. So, I'm keeping my hopes high. Call me a bad sister or someone who does not even know his/her moral values. I seriously could not stand someone who's behaving like the way she is now. I mean i know that i shouldnt think that way as what I've done was not liked by others and also they didnt really like of who i really am. But really, having to live under the same roof with someone who has not the intention to tolerate with others is totally unbearable!!

embarrasing!!!!!

sorry for the late update guys.I have to admit that I have been online for like every night but I just didnt have the energy to type up my thoughts here as ...well..cz...i'm LAZY!!!lols...
That's a pretty crappy excuse anyway. But...
Life's quite boring for me at the moment. Well, as you can see, I've got ear infection on both my ears for like 2 weeks already and I cant even hear properly. The worst part of this is that my mom used this opportunity to ban me from listening to my mp3 player!!! How IRRITATING!
I'm deprived from doing what I liked doing most(listening to songs with earphones plugged into my ears). According to her, the cause of my ear infection was due to my excessive hearing to loud musics. WAS IT REALLY?! well.. i'm not sure either..
But anyway, got work today. It started quite well but it turned out really wrong towards the end..Cuz..I pronounced one of the patient's name wrong!!!=( well, its not like i wanted to but its just that I couldnt help it.His name's Graham and i go and pronounced it as gra-hump instead of gramps. The worst part of it was that i go and proudly called his name out loudly in the waiting room.And all i gt was stares from the patients. OOPS!!luckily jess came to the rescue. thanks jess.but still , i cant get over the embarassment it caused.aihz..and thank god he didnt mind.

...

Considering this as my first time blogging, I seriously had nothing in my mind to say or rather to write about. Today's a gloomy day. Although the sky doesn't seem that cloudy nor does it looked rainy, my mood somehow was affected by even the tiniest little thing in the world. Maybe I'm just being a pessimist at the moment. Or maybe it is my inability to move on from the past. Whichever it is ..
the past's definitely to hurtful and is to painful for me to bear. I wanted to let go but I know in my heart that it is impossible to do so. ...